The Smartest Dog Breeds: An Irish Person's Guide to Brainy Pooches (And the Myths We've Been Telling Ourselves)
By Cupooch
Right, listen. We need to have a chat about smart dogs. And I don't mean the kind that can open the biscuit tin when you're not looking – though fair play to them, that's a talent in itself.
I'm talking about the genuinely clever breeds. The ones that'll have you trained in a week flat. The ones that look at you like you're thick when you can't figure out where you left your keys. Again.
Now, here's the thing about us Irish and our dogs. We've always had a bit of a soft spot for the mutts, haven't we? Sure, half the country grew up with some class of a collie-terrier-mystery mix that was "dead clever" according to your ma, even though its greatest achievement was learning not to shite in the sitting room. Most of the time.
But there ARE genuinely brainy breeds out there. Breeds that'll learn a new command faster than you can say "ah here, would you ever." Breeds that need jobs to do, or they'll create their own jobs – usually involving reorganizing your gaff in ways you didn't authorize.
So let's have a gander at the top clever clogs of the dog world, bust some myths, and figure out which of these Einsteins might suit an Irish household. Because spoiler alert: the smartest dog isn't always the best dog for your situation. Sometimes you want a bit of a gobshite who's just happy to exist, you know?
The Top 30 Brainiest Breeds (With Added Irish Reality Checks)
1. Border Collie
The Myth: "Ah sure, they're grand for families!"
The Reality: These lads are TOO smart for their own good. And yours. They're bred to work 12-hour days herding sheep on Scottish hillsides. Your back garden in Tallaght is not going to cut it. Get one of these without a proper job to do and they'll start herding your children, your cat, and your visiting mother-in-law. They'll reorganize your entire life and you won't even realize it's happening. Brilliant dogs. Absolutely mental energy levels. Not a pet – a lifestyle choice.
2. Poodle (All Sizes)
The Myth: "They're just prissy show dogs with notions."
The Reality: Listen, the poodle has gotten an awful rap because of those feckin' haircuts. But these dogs are SHARP. Standard Poodles were bred as water retrievers – proper working dogs. They learn faster than your average Leaving Cert student. The toy and miniature versions? Same brain, smaller package. Dead handy for Irish homes because they don't shed everywhere (your ma will appreciate this). But don't let the fancy do fool you – there's a proper clever dog under all that fluff.
3. German Shepherd
The Myth: "They're aggressive guard dogs."
The Reality: In fairness, they CAN be protective, but that's not the same as aggressive. German Shepherds are working dogs through and through – Gardaí use them, the army uses them, search and rescue teams use them. They're clever, loyal, and they take their jobs seriously. Maybe too seriously. Get one and they'll appoint themselves Head of Security for your gaff. The postman will never forgive you. They need training, exercise, and something to DO, or they'll lose the plot entirely.
4. Golden Retriever
The Myth: "They're thick but lovely."
The Reality: Who's been spreading this slander? Goldies are SMART. They're just also sound. They don't feel the need to prove their intelligence by being snarky about it like some breeds (looking at you, Border Collies). They'll learn everything you teach them and they'll do it with a big goofy smile on their face. Perfect for Irish families because they're clever enough to train easily but not so clever that they'll stage a coup. They will eat EVERYTHING though. Absolute gulpins.
5. Doberman Pinscher
The Myth: "Scary devil dogs."
The Reality: Dobermans got a fierce bad reputation from films in the 80s. In reality, they're velcro dogs – they want to be beside you all the time. They're smart, trainable, and surprisingly sensitive. They look intimidating (which, let's be honest, isn't the worst thing if you live in certain areas), but they're usually softies with their own people. Not ideal for first-time dog owners though – they need a firm hand and they'll absolutely take advantage if you're being soft.
6. Shetland Sheepdog
The Myth: "They're just mini collies."
The Reality: They ARE like mini collies, which means all that intelligence and energy in a smaller package. Grand news if you've a smaller gaff, bad news if you thought smaller meant lazier. Shelties are clever, vocal (they'll tell you EVERYTHING), and they love having a job. They're also gorgeous, in fairness. Good family dogs if you can keep them busy and don't mind the barking. And there will be barking. About everything.
7. Labrador Retriever
The Myth: "They're just hungry idiots who'll eat anything."
The Reality: Okay, the eating thing is true. Labs are OBSESSED with food. They'll eat your dinner, their dinner, the cat's dinner, and whatever fell behind the couch in 2019. BUT they're also dead clever. They're guide dogs, search and rescue dogs, detection dogs – they can do it all. They just happen to be motivated primarily by their stomachs. In fairness, aren't we all? Perfect for Irish families. Sound, clever, always up for the craic. Just hide the biscuits.
8. Papillon
The Myth: "Tiny handbag dogs with no brains."
The Reality: Are you having a laugh? Papillons are SHARP little things. They're like border collies in a teacup. They excel at agility, obedience, and generally being too clever for their size. Don't let the delicate looks fool you – there's a proper dog brain in there. They're grand for Irish homes because they don't need massive gardens, but they DO need mental stimulation. Teach them tricks or they'll teach themselves, and you won't like what they come up with.
9. Rottweiler
The Myth: "Dangerous attack dogs."
The Reality: Rotties are confident, clever working dogs. Yes, they're powerful. Yes, they need proper training and socialization. But a well-raised Rottie is a loyal, calm, intelligent companion. They're not for eejits who want a "tough dog" to look hard. They're for responsible owners who understand that a smart, strong dog needs proper guidance. In the right hands, they're brilliant. In the wrong hands, they're a liability. Simple as.
10. Australian Cattle Dog
The Myth: "They're basically just outdoor farm dogs."
The Reality: These dogs are clever, tough, and bred to work cattle in the Australian outback. Your semi-d in Swords is going to bore them senseless. They need JOBS. Proper jobs. They're not content to lie around watching Fair City with you. If you're active, outdoorsy, and want a dog that'll hike mountains with you every weekend, grand. If you're more of a "walk to the shop and back" person, get a different dog. These lads will wreck your gaff out of boredom.
11. Pembroke Welsh Corgi
The Myth: "They're cute royal dogs with stumpy legs."
The Reality: Corgis are HERDING dogs. Smart, bossy herding dogs. The Queen had them because they're brilliant, not just because they're cute (though they are, in fairness). Those short legs? That's so they can nip at cattle heels without getting kicked. They're tough little characters with big brains and bigger personalities. They'll try to herd your children. They'll have opinions about everything. But they're also adaptable to Irish homes and they're dead entertaining. Just don't expect a lazy lapdog.
12. Miniature Schnauzer
The Myth: "Little yappy dogs with notions."
The Reality: Schnauzers ARE vocal (they'll tell you when a leaf falls outside), but they're also smart and spirited. They were bred as ratters and farm dogs in Germany – proper workers. They're good for Irish homes because they're small, don't shed much, and they're up for whatever. Walks? Grand. Netflix marathon? Also grand. They're clever enough to train easily but not so intense that they'll stress you out. Sound little dogs, just a bit... opinionated.
13. English Springer Spaniel
The Myth: "They're just pretty bird dogs."
The Reality: Springers are SMART working dogs. They're used for detection work, search and rescue, and obviously hunting. They're energetic, friendly, and they learn fast. Perfect for active Irish families who want a dog that's clever and biddable without being too intense. They love water (handy when it rains 300 days a year), they love people, and they love having something to do. Gorgeous dogs. Bit mad, but in a good way.
14. Belgian Tervuren
The Myth: "They're just German Shepherds with better hair."
The Reality: Belgian Tervurens are their own breed entirely, and they're INTENSE. Smart, athletic, and they bond hard with their people. They need experienced owners who can keep up with their energy and intelligence. Not a first-time dog. Not a "leave them alone all day" dog. But if you want a clever, loyal working dog and you've got the time and energy to invest, they're brilliant. Just be prepared – these lads don't do anything by halves.
15. Schipperke
The Myth: "What even is that?"
The Reality: Exactly! Most Irish people have never heard of them. They're little Belgian canal boat dogs (schipperke means "little captain"), and they're sharp as tacks. Small, black, fox-like faces, and FULL of personality. They're watchdogs, ratters, and general busybodies. Good for smaller Irish homes, but they need mental stimulation. They're clever, independent, and they'll absolutely take the piss if you let them. Character in a small package.
16. Belgian Sheepdog (Groenendael)
The Myth: "Rare fancy dogs for show people."
The Reality: These are serious working dogs. Smart, elegant, and intense. They're used for police work, search and rescue, and herding. They're not common in Ireland, but they're brilliant dogs if you can meet their needs. They need exercise, training, and jobs to do. Not a dog for casual owners. But if you're serious about dog training and activities, they're incredible. Just be prepared for people to ask "what breed is that?" every single walk.
17. Collie (Rough/Smooth)
The Myth: "They're Lassie! Perfect family dogs!"
The Reality: Collies ARE lovely family dogs, but they're also proper smart herding dogs. They're sensitive, trainable, and they bond hard with their families. But they need exercise and mental stimulation. You can't just stick them in the back garden and forget about them. They're also vocal (they'll tell you EVERYTHING), and they can be nervous if not properly socialized. Beautiful dogs, clever dogs, but they need the right home. Not a lazy person's dog.
18. Keeshond
The Myth: "Never heard of it."
The Reality: Dutch barge dogs! They're fluffy, friendly, and surprisingly smart. Good family dogs because they're social, trainable, and not too intense. They love people, they're good with kids, and they're alert without being yappy (well, not TOO yappy). The downside? All that fluff. You'll be hoovering twice a day. But if you don't mind the grooming, they're sound dogs with good brains and better personalities.
19. German Shorthaired Pointer
The Myth: "Just hunting dogs."
The Reality: GSPs are brilliant multi-purpose dogs. Smart, athletic, and versatile. Yes, they're hunting dogs, but they're also used in search and rescue, therapy work, and dog sports. They're ENERGETIC though. Like, properly energetic. If you're not active, don't get one. They'll run laps around your house and then ask what's next. Good for outdoorsy Irish folks who want a clever, athletic companion. Not good for couch potatoes.
20. Flat-Coated Retriever
The Myth: "They're just black Golden Retrievers."
The Reality: Flatties are their own breed, and they're known as the "Peter Pan" of dogs because they stay puppyish forever. They're smart, friendly, and enthusiastic about EVERYTHING. They learn fast, they love people, and they're generally sound out. The downside? That puppy energy lasts years. YEARS. If you want a clever dog that's always up for the craic and you don't mind a bit of chaos, they're brilliant. If you like peace and order, maybe look elsewhere.
21. English Cocker Spaniel
The Myth: "Small pretty dogs for grannies."
The Reality: Cockers are SMART working dogs. They're used for hunting, detection work, and they excel at dog sports. They're merry little things – always happy, always wagging. They're good for Irish homes because they're medium-sized, trainable, and adaptable. They love walks but they're also grand to chill at home. Downside? Grooming. Those ears need maintenance or they'll get manky. But overall? Sound dogs with good brains and lovely temperaments.
22. Brittany
The Myth: "Who?"
The Reality: Brittanys are French hunting dogs, and they're brilliant. Smart, athletic, and biddable. They're smaller than most pointing breeds, which makes them handy for Irish homes. But they NEED exercise. They're bred to hunt all day. A walk around the block won't cut it. If you're active and want a clever, medium-sized dog that's always up for an adventure, they're class. If you're not active, they'll lose their minds.
23. Standard Schnauzer
The Myth: "Just bigger Miniature Schnauzers."
The Reality: The Standard came first, actually! They're the original ratters and guard dogs. Smart, spirited, and they don't suffer fools. They're good dogs but they need training and socialization. They're protective without being aggressive, clever without being neurotic. Good for experienced owners who want a medium-sized dog with personality for days. They're not for everyone, but the right person will love them.
24. Cocker Spaniel (American)
The Myth: "Same as English Cockers."
The Reality: They're different! American Cockers are smaller, have more glamorous coats, and they're a bit more laid-back than their English cousins. Still smart though! Still trainable! They're good family dogs, gentle with kids, and they're happy to adapt to your lifestyle. They need grooming (seriously, those ears and that coat need work), but temperament-wise, they're lovely dogs. Sound choice for Irish families.
25. Weimaraner
The Myth: "Beautiful but thick."
The Reality: Who's been saying this? Weimaraners are SMART. They're just also high-energy and a bit... much. They're bred as hunting dogs and they're intense. They bond hard with their people (separation anxiety is common), and they need LOADS of exercise. They're clever enough to train easily, but they're also clever enough to get into trouble if they're bored. Stunning dogs. Challenging dogs. Not for casual owners.
26. Belgian Malinois
The Myth: "Military attack dogs."
The Reality: Malinois are working dogs used by military and police forces worldwide, yes. But they're not "attack dogs" – they're highly trained working dogs. The problem? People see them in action films and think they're cool. Then they get one and realize they've essentially adopted a furry rocket with teeth. These dogs are TOO smart, TOO driven, and TOO energetic for most people. Incredible dogs in the right hands. Disasters in the wrong hands. Please, for the love of God, don't get one because they look cool.
27. Bernese Mountain Dog
The Myth: "Big fluffy gentle giants who are thick as planks."
The Reality: Berners ARE gentle giants, but they're not thick! They're smart, trainable farm dogs from Switzerland. They're calm, loyal, and great with families. They learn easily and they're eager to please. The downsides? Size (they're MASSIVE), shedding (it's biblical), and health (they don't live long enough, sadly). But if you've got the space and you want a smart, gentle, beautiful dog, they're brilliant. Just be prepared to hoover. A lot.
28. Pomeranian
The Myth: "Yappy handbag dogs with one brain cell."
The Reality: Poms are SMART. They're descended from sled dogs (seriously!), and they've got proper dog brains in tiny bodies. They learn fast, they're alert, and they're braver than they've any right to be. Yes, they can be yappy if not trained, but that's true of any small dog. They're good for Irish homes because they don't need much space, but they DO need training and socialization. Don't baby them – treat them like real dogs and they'll be sound.
29. Irish Water Spaniel
The Myth: "Wait, we have our own smart breed?"
The Reality: WE DO! And nobody knows about them! Irish Water Spaniels are brilliant dogs – smart, funny, and they love water (shocking, given the name). They're the clowns of the spaniel world, always acting the maggot. They're rare now, which is a shame, because they're class dogs. If you want something Irish, clever, and a bit different, look into these lads. Just be prepared for questions – nobody's heard of them.
30. Vizsla
The Myth: "Hyper nervous wrecks."
The Reality: Vizslas are sensitive, yes. High-energy, absolutely. But they're also smart, loyal, and affectionate. They're velcro dogs – they want to be with you ALL the time. They're great for active people who want a clever, athletic dog that'll be their shadow. They need exercise, training, and patience (they mature slowly). But in the right home, they're incredible dogs. Just don't expect them to be happy alone for hours.
31. Boxer
The Myth: "They're just goofy muscleheads with no brains."
The Reality: Listen, Boxers LOOK like eejits. They've got those daft faces, they bounce around like overgrown puppies well into their adult years, and they'll do this thing where they "kidney bean" their whole body when they're excited. But don't let the clownish behavior fool you – these dogs are SMART. They were bred as working dogs in Germany – guard dogs, police dogs, war dogs even. They learn fast, they're loyal as anything, and they're brilliant with families. The thing is, they're also stubborn as sin. They KNOW what you want them to do, they just might decide whether it's worth their while. They're basically that mate who's actually dead clever but spends all their time messing about. Perfect for Irish families who want a dog with personality, brains, and a sense of humor. Just be prepared for the drool. There will be drool. Everywhere.
So What Does This Mean For Irish Dog Owners?
Right, here's the thing. Smart doesn't always mean BETTER. Sometimes a clever dog is a pain in the hole if you're not ready for it.
If you work full-time, live in an apartment, and your idea of exercise is walking to the chipper, maybe don't get a Border Collie. You'll both be miserable.
But if you want a dog that'll actually listen when you train them, that'll excel at activities, and that'll genuinely bond with your family, then yeah – consider one of the brainy breeds. Just make sure you're ready to keep up with them.
And remember: even the smartest dog needs training, exercise, and attention. No dog is maintenance-free, no matter what your mate's cousin told you about their "low-maintenance" rescue that's currently eating through the kitchen door.
Choose wisely, train properly, and sure look – you'll have yourself a brilliant companion. Now go on, get researching. And maybe check out Cupooch while you're at it – we know a thing or two about keeping clever pooches happy.
Sláinte! 🐕
